-- A blog maintained by a pessimistic over-confident High-School kid.

Monday, March 11, 2019

Non achievement

The title may be misleading, but anyways, I was trying to say that my inability to help 3 to 4 people simultaneously is my non-achievement (It made more sense in my head).

Although I am complaining about my awesome life right now, I just want to first say that I am grateful for everything I have right now and is more than excited to better teach other people. With that said, to take on an additional responsibility of teaching people when I procrastinate myself is very frustrating. Although I am not the kind of person who rages upon others when annoyed, I am that close to yelling at the people that I attempt on helping(I actually do not help a lot).

Whenever my classmates for friends come and ask for me to explain things from class and textbooks, I always think about how I never need any assistance in my understanding. While I have a very good education thanks to my parents, I do not think I have many advantages compared to others in any regard. People always say they trying their hardest or that they are going to try-hard on their next test, but in the end, they just review the materials the day before. I am just the person who repeats what the teacher says in a worse way. I could translate, re-explain and dedicated unlimited time, but the thing is that I would become frustrated. Time for everyone is limited, and due to my problem with procrastination, my time is even more limited than others. Every day I use one to three hours on relaxation and shutting off my brain. If you take away another 3 of the 24 hours that I have, my hobbies and extra-curricular activities will not have enough space to be fit into. I do not get why people skip or sleep through classes just to have more necessity to relearn the stuff afterward. I understand that we always think that we could do things better later, but I think we all know that it is not true. Things always come back and haunt you if you do not deal with it at that moment.

Another thing that is eating up my time is games. Just half a year ago, I have cured myself of video games entirely, but my homestay brother's obsession with his NBA game pulled me back into the world of video games. Everything started when he started asking me to play with him. At that time, I saw he was alone and he could only play single player. In response, I agreed on playing the game with him, and it is afterward that I found out how bad of an idea it was. It turns out that he is alone every day, every minute. If I were to be a kind person and entertain him with my involvement, I would have a negative time left in my life. Although school is not hard at the moment, my life still cannot fit in an extra collum of another genre of life. For the past 2 weeks, as I said in yesterday's blog, I have been subdued to satisfying other's need in exchange for my effort. Although I was still able to make songs and code in parallel to these new activities, my grades are slowly but evidently dropping. Grades are easy to drop and hard to maintain, and dropping it right now is the exact opposite of what I want.

Although I had just used a whole blog to whine about how I need to help others and entertain them, I just want to again address that I am thankful that I am in such positions. It is just that I may not be good enough to handle it all.

P.S: I cannot write anymore, I slept less than 3 hours yesterday, and I am not holding up.

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