For the past 2 weeks, I hadn't been productive. Although school work had dramatically decreased, and I had a lot more free time without getting my grade involved, I had not done too much. One of the major reasons for this is that my other homestay recently found out how useful I am in terms of getting help. Once he found out that I could dedicate almost all of my day to other people, he decided to have me sit beside him for every homework he does. I do not blame him, because as he said himself, he cannot concentrate nearly enough by himself and would take a whole day to complete half of his homework. With me by his side, he is able to rush through his homework like actual paper. Everything is good, all except that all MY free time had been taken away. What makes worse is that my homestay brother also likes to have me as his gaming buddy. After getting him homework all done and straight, he would ask me numerous times just for me to agree upon playing video games with him. He is never afraid to ask for anything, and me, on the other hand, is not strong enough to hold my position all the time. The last two weeks of my life only consisted of teaching others and playing games with my homestay brother. This is my first time being in a situation of a bigger sibling, and for now, I have no idea why anyone would like a younger sibling ever.
Distractions take in various forms. They could be originated from other people, other objects, or our own ego. Each one of them compliments each other and if any one of the distractions gets eliminated, other forms of it re-appear and fill in the gap. My last two weeks consist of little social media, little entertainment, little personal hobbies, but all those are ultimately replaced by my homestay sibling. And when my homestay brother decide that I am no longer of any use to him, my distractions would only turn into other forms to haunt me all over again. The only standing point of the distractions of people is that they are very obvious and that we are always aware of them. Every time my homestay brother ask me to sit with him for his homework, I immediately feel an urge of frustration and wonder what degree of things that I could do instead of actually helping him with his homework. But at the same time, I also know that even if he did not request for my precious time, I would have gone ahead on wasting time by myself. Distractions for me is a thing that can not be beaten, and even if it is, it would just grow back like grass after a fire. Although I had used up a lot of my time on dedicating my conscious to other people and not really making a big difference in the end, I still helped others. And if you criticize how my complaint about it right now had proved me as a very materialistic person, you are right. While I may have not broken out during the periods when I was helping others, I was not as helpful as I could have and people had suffered the consequences of my actions. My friends are still struggling at math and bio, and my homestay brother still does not know how to learn effectively by himself.
In the past, I love helping other people, but right now, I see my assistance as a distraction from my work. It may be because of my unreasonable dream of getting into Stanford without an extraordinary high academic performance, or maybe because of my desire for self-dependent before 18. Both things are extremely hard for me to achieve and is only a reality only reachable in dreams, but as a saying said, "If you shoot for the stars, you will at least land on the moon." (Totally disagree with that saying, but whatever).
P.S: with social media out of the way, I wish that I would actually now start becoming productive.
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