Failing Musical Auditions

I screwed the audition up. I prepared everything but still didn't have everything go as planned. I got the notice of the school having a musical audition two months in advance. And although I didn't practice every single day for the last 2 months, I had dedicated a lot of time upon it. There are things that aren't worth the time, and my preparation for the musical may be one of the many of them.

My desire to audition for the musical came from my soul heart of wanting to prove myself. I wanted to tell myself that part of the 12-year old me that was in an award-winning choir was still in me. I wanted to extend my qualification for my pride in being able to sing. With that being said, if I had been able to train myself intense enough to get back to where I was 4 years ago, I would love to perform in a musical. But after the audition, it doesn't seem likely. But everything is fine because I have no interest in performing on a stage that all my friends would be coming to watch me embarrass myself, except that I had wasted a bunch load of time trying to shape my vocal cords.

What exactly went wrong was everything. Although I did try to warm up my voice, I failed my first high note in the song along with every other high note. In addition, I also forgot to round my voice up during the whole song because I didn't have that much consciousness to focus on being judged and failing high notes at the same time. After all that, I also got a comment on how little my voice was. I mean, you don't need a loud voice for choir, you needed that opposite. And although that is a very good excuse I could make to myself, it will definitely not affect any of the judging processes. Have I also forgot to mention that I put my previous singing experience as an international champion choir member? Now that I have time to look back on it, it was a huge mistake. Not only I had dropped my teacher's expectations that had been gained by my early interest in the play, but I had also raised his hope higher than what he already had to drop it altogether(I didn't know how grammar work in the last sentence, just ignore it). To sum it all up, real-time performance isn't my jam.

After knowing that I have failed the audition for the musical, I decided that I have a new goal to achieve singing-wise (I really have too many goals). The goal is to do a cover of a song in any way I want. And if I did that without difficulties, I would aim to write and record my own song in some sort of way. Since last year, I wanted to have my own song. It seemed too easy for me: you just have to string a series of notes together and add lyrics to it. But like everything else in life, I am pretty sure its one of those many things that are very easy to scratch the surface but very hard to actually master it. While a lot of people admire people are good at a vast amount of stuff, it is most likely that they had scratched the surface of a lot of things, and it is not actually that impressive. I have read that colleges like people who are very focused on a certain aspect of skill and not a variety of good skills. And me being in the spot that I am in now is not good. I just focus on too much stuff. And while it may be ok for an actual smart person to take on multiple skills at once and to improve on them, it is quite impossible for me.

I may not be able to perform on the upcoming musical, but I had set more goals for myself and I am "determined" to achieve them. (lazy conclusion, I know)

This is a sketch I did months ago because I am not as productive anymore
and I don't draw as much (I am a very busy man)